Monday, July 12, 2010

Do heavy metallers eat chips?

The other day I wrote a blog in which I listed some things that are WRONG. Some of you might have read it in your Google readers or whatever but I had to delete it. I had been writing it on a shitty browser (booo) that caused me to lose half of it prior to publishing - and I'm such an idiot I didn't even notice til I published it, and by then I'd forgotten most of the funny things I'd said. Since then I've been meaning to rewrite it, but I haven't had the time til now. Apologies to those of you who have already read this, but here we are.

These are the things that are so wrong, I can't even think of them as wrong. In my mind, they're RONG. They don't even deserve a W. You might disagree with some of these, but that's fine with me. It's my blog, so ner.

Spitting in the street
Why do people do this? I just don't understand it. It isn't just that it's disgusting....okay, well it's mostly that it's disgusting. I suppose in comparison to other anti-social behaviour this is fairly harmless, but it's so disrespectful. What happened to us, that our young people are growing up to think it's okay to gob in the street? I have to stop talking about this now, because just the thought of this is making me want to boke.
Conducting private conversations loudly, and in public
That's right. Obey the sign, you!
I took this photo in an antiques market in Stratford - I loved the polite request, not to avoid swearing completely, but just to keep it to a minimum. I suppose necessary swearing is fine.
There are very many things that I love about living in the middle of town. My favourite shops are around the corner, my best friends all live close by and I can walk home from my favourite pub. What I do not like about living in the centre of town is having to listen to other people's loud and often personal conversations all the bloody time. Although Nic and I live on the top floor of our building, we frequently have to listen to hallions having arguments in the street. At all times of the day and night. There's one woman close by who makes a habit of screaming at her partner/children/passers by about whatever it is that happens to be bothering her at the time. Take it indoors, woman! I don't need to hear that! Or better yet, phone Jeremy Kyle and take it there.

Shirtless men in public places
And, by public places I don't mean the beach or the swimming baths. I mean the street, the park, shops, public transport. Men, your wives don't want to see that, I don't want to see that. PUT IT AWAY. Also, yuck.

Listening to music on the speakers of your mobile phone
Buy some bloody headphones. Your music is shit.

Talking in the quiet carriage of the train
Seriously. I don't even mean the people who take calls on their mobiles when they're in here. They're inconsiderate dicks for doing it but they usually realise that they're in the wrong. I mean the people who just talk away as normal in there. It isn't any less annoying, just because you're not having your inane conversation into an electronic device. There is a sticker on the window showing someone talking and it has a line through it. Quit it.

Using the phrase 'mass exodus' to describe a lot of people leaving a place at one time
That's a tautology. The word exodus describes a lot of people leaving a place at one time. 'Mass' is redundant at this point. I can't explain why this one pisses me off so much, but there you go.

Using the phrase 'third wheel' to describe an unwanted extra person
I should say, misusing the phrase 'fifth wheel', because that's the phrase. I'll concede that this one is just me because I suppose 'third wheel' has become acceptable , but if you use it in my presence I'll correct you.

Chewing gum
If for some reason I was in charge, I would ban chewing gum. I really would, and it wouldn't even bother me that lots of other people wouldn't like it (I suppose the list above gives you a bit of a clue about what a petty tyrant I would be if I were actually in charge of anything) Chewing gum is disgusting. Okay, so it might have some benefits for your teeth but it's horrible. I hate it when you're talking to someone and you can see a big chaw of gum in the back of their mouth, or when you can see it in someone's mouth in a photo of them. YUCK. And don't even get me started on those dirty tramps that stick it on chairs or tables or the seats on buses, what kind of a filthy bogger do you have to be to do that? Or the people that spit it onto the pavement. There are loads of these people, judging by the amount of the foul stuff that you see everywhere you go. Our manners aren't developed enough to be able to handle chewing gum, so I say ban it. Dirty tramps.

That's all I've got for doubt there will be more in future, though.

There hasn't been too much going on here in Clackett Mansions. Nic started up a blog, which you can read here. We spent Friday evening hanging out with friends and eating Chinese food. I wore a dress that I borrowed from Martha, and which she will be lucky to get back:
Friday 9th July 2010
Therapy dress and Bertie Sardinia shoes
It's cute, isn't it? She looks cuter in it, however, so I'm not actually going to steal it from her. The thought did cross my mind, I'm not going to lie to you. The rest of the weekend was very domesticated and uneventful - Nic and I went to Stratford on Saturday and spent Sunday cleaning. All very exciting, I'm sure you'll agree! Almost as exciting as my dinner, which is nearly ready, so that's your lot. Feel free to hit me with any suggestions to add to the LIST OF RONG.